Social Media Narcissists ?

Social media is  rife with debates and opinions and who doesn't like a bit of that ?  But the problem often  occurs when someone isn't adult enough to join in but joins in anyway. By adult enough I'm referring to  being able to step back before commenting. When was the article posted? Is it still relevant? Have things changed ?  Has the information been taken in the right context  and could there be several different angles the author might be coming from ?  Have you asked some questions to get clarification ? 

In most cases the answer is "No"  because we see a post and automatically jump straight in all guns blazing, and that behaviour has  sadly become the norm. I'm no different, although I am getting better at stepping back and deciding if a post is really worth time and energy commenting on. Is there a positive point?  If not and it's just  being negative or having a  rant then I  no long comment. I'm still a work in progress though because several times over the past week i've written an in-depth comment to someone's post and thought ....why?  what purpose is it actually going to serve? and then i've deleted it . Those that know me will know I  love a good debate, we used to have some brilliant one's on a Monday night at the  local pub before it was demolished. Despite  divided opinions, heated arguments, name calling and eye rolling, it was all done in good banter over a bottle of beer or two and we all still left at the end of the night as  friends. 

But that was the wonderful thing about being in the same room, whether family, friends or strangers, you get to hear the tone of voice, see facial expressions, body language etc. Online there is none of that and it seems everyone wants  to see the worst in another. They decide the tone of voice , they decide what the author of the post means and before you know it they've made 1+1=5  thrown their toys out the pram, had a rant and stropped off....not before unfollowing. But that isn't having an opinion, that's being controlling, that's being a narcissist. It's saying "Unless you think how I think you should think, I'm not talking to you anymore, I'm shutting things down and I'm out of here" and unfortunately there is no debating, reasoning or compromise when it comes to a narcissist. There are other reasons for a persons behaviour of course, not everyone who behaves in that manner is necessarily a narcissist.

Let's just take Facebook as an example, it's thought that around 20% of disputes on this platform lead to permanent damage of a relationship in the real world. I wonder if the conversation had been face to face whether it would be the same outcome? 

Around 45% to 70% admit to being involved in, or witnessing regular daily disputes and according to data 21% of adults admitted to regularly or occasionally starting or joining arguments. Also, amongst the users that said they get into heated arguments, data published by Science Direct suggests that 20% of those arguments cause lasting damage, even when it comes to family members and long term friendships. 

Perhaps the real question we should be asking ourselves is this: have social media platforms made us less tolerant of other people's opinions, or have they simply given us a platform to show a side of ourselves that we might otherwise keep in check?

I suspect it's a little of both. When we sit behind a screen, it's easy to forget that there's a real person on the other side, someone with their own experiences, beliefs, insecurities and reasons for seeing things differently. We don't have to agree with them and we certainly don't have to like everything they post, but does that mean we have to challenge them, belittle them or cut them out of our lives altogether?

And If, after writing a lengthy rant you decide to delete the comment and move on, don't see it as backing down. Sometimes, walking away isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of growth.

After all, we're never going to agree on everything. We're human, we're complicated, and we all see the world through different eyes. Keep on keepin'on. Back before Elvis.