Runnin On Empty

Its hard to concentrate on music or anything else for that matter when you're not only dealing with 101 different symptoms coming at you from all directions but you seem to be inflating at tha speed of knots. So my Big aching swollen belly still hasn’t deflated two months on and seeing as it feels like I’m lugging humpty dumpty around  and its hurting my back and I can no longer fit in my clothes and i'm hiding tha lump under my hoodies lol! I thought it was time to pay a visit to tha docs......and for those whose minds are jumping to conclusions at this minute, thinkin "preggers" let me just say it would have to be an immaculate conception, although that did happen once, along time ago in biblical times apparently so i s'pose its always possible (GASP!) ......Anyway, when did it become soooooo complex to make sumthin as simple as an appointment ?  this was tha conversation i had  , tha receptionist is tha “ R” Me:- hallo, can I make an appointment with  tha

There are times when I’m overwhelmed by this illness, and right now is one of those times. when all tha symptons decide to show up all at at once, every single one of them, its almost as if ones decided to have  a party invited all tha others and tha venue just happens to be my body. I often cant work out if it’s tha M.E tha Fibromyalgia, or as my Doctor used to say “Something entirely different”. Entirely different ?... Nooooooo I find myself screaming, tha venues packed enough as it is, theres not room for anymore. If i have a party i wanna have it where i wanna have it and invite my own guests. If M.E/Fibro was something I could see maybe it would be a fairer fight, I could have Bodyguards guarding…well….my body  “If you aint got an invite, you aint comin in” kinda thing, but unfortunately its far from a fair fight, I don’t know what I’m fighting, I don’t even really understand it, all  I know is, its there, everyday trying to pull me into a daily vortex of pain and horror lik

Morning……Some bound out of bed with tha simplest of ease and take to the day as if it’s a breeze They're a   look of perfection and a dream to know and everythings immaculate from head to toe While others struggle and curse at tha clock And the view in the mirror is a bit of a shock All self-inflicted from late night kebabs &   Dancing til three and waiting for cabs And then theres us, yes us, that’s you and me And even getting to the mirror some days is a luxury But when we do and we stare straight ahead Its always tha same like tha living dead I know I’m that person raring to go Somewhere inside and I wait for her to show But nuthin absolutely nuthin, there’s zilch in tha tank And I crawl back to bed, disappointed to be frank Coz I’m finished before I’ve started, not even begun Its morning, just tha morning and M.E’s got me done I had a day full of hopes and dreams planned ya see But in my head they always stay So from my bed I

You'd be forgiven by tha title for thinkin this was gonna be a blog about me wanting to lose weight but its not. Since Friday I seem to have been suffering, now some would say its the M.E consequences of  givin it my all in tha recording studio for 4 hours but i feel like i've been flattened by one of these things below.  So if anyone sees one of these anywhere comin towards them  ruuuuuuun! oh hang on you cant, you have M.E ......er....hide under tha bed, disguise yaself by standing behind a tree just make sure it doesn't get ya. Its known as tha" Ten tonne M.E heffa-effa--lump" once flattened you wont forget it in a hurry. ;o xxx

To tha average human eye I look “fine”,  great, even bloody wonderful but mostly “fine”  but tha outer layer can be deceiving as we all know, how many times have you excitedly ripped open a present wrapped in tha most beautiful wrapping paper with matching bow and gift tag only to find something that while grateful, frankly makes ya heart sink, the eau da pong bath set just wasn’t what you were hoping for….but you fake a smile and say thanx through those disappointed gritted teeth…… and hey tha package looked nice huh? So my package may look nice……but my insides while hopefully not  resembling eau da pong, are still extremely disappointing….for me anyway. Because while there was a time my outside & inside matched, my inside is something I now struggle to recognise. I can look in tha mirror and my face is still tha same, few extra crows fit? sure , jowls starting to sag a bit ? Yep, but on tha whole I still see me, but I’m not tha same, the inner workings of my body wont allow m