Showing posts from July, 2012

Who Tha Hell Are You?

Many moons ago, I recorded a home demo called “Who tha hell are you?” it was basically me directing  tha question to tha illness M.E, because I try to see it as sumthin outside of me, infront of me almost,  rather than an actual part of me. I try to encourage  others with illness to do this too because if you attach tha illness to you then you often become tha illness and you also attach blame, and with blame comes guilt and a whole lotta other problems. M.E isn’t your fault, you cant help feeling tha way you do, you didn’t ask for it, you don’t want it, M.E is to blame for how you feel, NOT you……you wouldn’t normally feel tha way you do, you wouldn’t normally live tha way you do if it wasn’t for M.E, So by seein it as sumthin separate from yourself, infront of you to talk at, be angry with etc, you separate blame from yourself, and keep tha illness infront of you rather than an actual part of you body N soul …is this making sense?  lol! Anyhow After directing tha question to

M.E? shudduppa ya face

Tha problem with M.E apart from having to cope with  enough symptoms to fill an encyclopaedia  with is  it means you have no life, so if you have no life other than M.E what are you expected to talk about? When I’m not recovering from major surgery I do have a little bit of a life that I’ve carved out for myself but that’s taken a long time and takes discipline and determination to carry out because it doesn’t stop my day being consumed by M.E. and everyone copes differently. For those of you that don’t have M.E let me explain, imagine a time when you’ve had  raging toothache, you know tha kind, where it feels like your  whole heads pulsating and throbbing with pain?  now imagine painkillers don’t work, theres nuthin tha dentist can do so you’re just gonna have to get on with it, live like that everyday probably for tha rest of your life…… throw flu and a  hangover into tha mix and everyone expects you to carry on as normal?…I’m just giving you a little taste of what M.E

What Ifs?

I try not to do “what ifs” in fact I very rarely do them, and even when I do it’s kept within tha confines of my head, because there’s zilch point in airing them really, its not like anyone can change things, it just makes other people feel awkward really and offer up a there there, give a few strokes of ya ego, tell you how wonderful you are and to look at what you’ve achieved blah blah blah! I know  that probably sounds arrogant …ungrateful even, but let’s face it, it’s a fact isn’t if?  What else is anyone meant to say?  you don’t really leave them with many options, and tha “What if’s” is a pointless conversation best left to tha head. I’m only airing it here because I’m guessing there’s many of you that feel exactly tha same so I thought it’d be an interesting article if nuthin else,  a chance to ponder, a chance for honesty even if its painful. Don’t you ever find yourself asking “What would I have become? What would I have done? Where would I be if it wasn’t for M.E?”