Tits-Up 2019

Oh you're here?  Merry Christmas and thank-you for tearing yourself away from the Quality Street . So I pondered long and hard for a respectable title for this years annual offering, but "Tits-Up 2019" was really the most accurate and honest summary, and as those of you who have followed for a decade or two will know I do believe in sharing my rambles with you all  honestly, otherwise why bother? So apologies for anyone that's offended  ( Ho Ho Ho)  Tits-Up 2019 it is then
"So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun"- John Lennon



Very apt lyrics indeed, and the answer is it feels like a big fat nothing, although it's not been for want of trying. As strange as it may sound it feels as though I literally blinked and another year was at it's end without me accomplishing anything?   I didn't become the axe-goddess I annually mention,  (Guitar variety, not wooden handle, sharp silver head, I'm hormonal get out of my way variety just so we're clear?) Despite a Christmas design (that's now been removed) I only sold one T-shirt from the store this year, so there were no profits to pass on to  Charity Invest In ME Research or any other charities that  get a cut, So I ended up making a personal donation instead. 

I've also been campaigning and fighting the Government system, it's departments and individuals  that think it's okay to bully and destroy the  sick and disabled and most vulnerable members of society, I've been letter writing  ( Yee Pen and Paper old fashion variety) emailing and phoning. There's  been tears (Lots) ,Vomiting (Once, due to the stress and frustration) and the general weariness and exhaustion of  trying to stay on what feels like a David and Goliath mission. Despite my own poor health,as a tough Ol Boot I feel I owe it to those without voice, those who struggle to articulate and those no longer here. As of last week, the powers that be have handed my latest letter of complaint, concerns and requests over to another body to Investigate and review but I'm informed there is no legal response time  required, In other words  "Please don't be holding your breath?" 


I didn't get back into making music for the 4th year in a row, not that anyone's noticed apart from my niece and nephew Natalie and George, cheers guys, there will be new music coming...sometime.  Since losing my brother and sister in 2015  I've felt  as lost as a fart in a baked bean factory, and hoping and waiting for guidance from some local Music Guru who would sweep in and come rescue me from the smog. (It hasn't happened just in case you were wondering?)   But I have been writing, there' plenty of material and I just have to decide whether to try and find a local studio or do it myself ?  

I didn't get that Beyonce body I  annually  hope for either, again not for want of trying, but I'm just one of those women that only has to sniff a bar of  Dairy Milk and BOOM! on goes two stone, I can only conclude from my present weight I've been sniffing an awful lot of  chocolate? 


We had Politics, and i'm just going to leave that right there?

Despite the odds, that have been like climbing a fireman's pole in a straitjacket, battling copious amounts of pain courtesy of M.E & Osteoporosis, the extreme discomfort of  inflamed swollen belly and limbs courtesy of Fibromyalgia and  Mental doubt courtesy of me and my inner head chimp I've spent the last two years training to be a Hatha yoga teacher, with the aim of being able to help other less able bodied people, but I've fallen at the last hurdle. You should never ask for honest feedback if you're not prepared to hear it, I thought I was? and my teacher gave me plenty, way too much in one go for my foggy M.E'd marshmallow head to process.  I spent the rest of the class chewing the inside of my cheeks to stop the slow trail of tears turning into Niagra falls and flooding the studio and drowning my fellow Yoginis. It was also a short sharp shock of reality, that even after 30 years i'm still trying to escape this damn M.E & Fibromyalgia to be "Normal"  however unrealistic that may be. Right now I feel stupid, humiliated and pretty darn awful, but it's of my own doing and I can't think clearly enough to work out what i'm gonna do next once I stop licking my wounds ?



So unfortunately  2019 pretty much ends the way it started, with little achieved. Although I have learnt lessons, such as I still need to work on my tolerance and short fuse. Sat at the back of our little Spiritual church recently I had to stop myself from grabbing a copy of the physic News, rolling it up and beating the Women sat opposite to death because she had boiled sweets and was slurping and crunching her way through the entire service. 

I've also still managed to stay as single as I've always been and plan on staying in 2020 , I couldn't think of anything worse than dating by todays standards, I'm all for everyone being who they want to be, He, She, They, Animal, Vegetable, Mineral , but there's still a traditional naive dreamer in me somewhere that would be mortified to think I was on a date with a guy when he turned out to be a stick of Broccoli?  


So there we are, a well and truly "Tits Up 2019". I'm not making any plans for 2020 other than to keep on breathing, always a good start I think?  Life doesn't always work out how we plan it but the most important thing is to  keep on getting back up and to keep on keepin'on, that way there's always the chance of change, of opportunity and hope, and as I leave you with that thought, let me end by saying  thank-you for all the support, the reads, the Likes, Follows, Shares, RT's and comments you make it all worthwhile. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Love, Peace and all good things. 
     
                                                   Til Next Time, Stay Blessed
                                                           Back Before Elvis                                                                 

Comments

  1. I love the way you say it straight with no bullshit. You are a fighter and will keep going. Don't ever give up and know that you are very much loved xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a beautiful message, thank-you & ditto! my friend, us warriors continue our journey separately but together in heart always. x

      Delete
  2. Great post... I think many will feel it's been a tough year... we've all got stuff going on in our lives, although when we look outward it often doesn't seem that way... keep on getting up...keep moving with an open mind... change is the only constant! Take care & see you soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Chris, Going into my 4th decade with illness I find these reflective times extremely frustrating as i'm constantly trying to escape something I can't escape, there's always been a kind of acceptance but you can never totally accept this is it otherwise that rules out hope? and that's all I have to hold on to< even though I'm aware of the reality. Yes, a catch up soon, I have a packet of Jujube dates for you to try. Happy New Year :)

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

Please Don't Do A Michael!

It's Not Okay.

Letting Go ?