Me VS Giant Orange Space Hopper

So today I went to tha hospital to see a consultant & get the results on my huuuuuuge belly better known as the Giant Orange Space Hopper, being called  three days after a CT scan is never a good sign, so I’d prepared myself for the worse case scenario, I’d even played out the scene in my head. The consultant would sit there, legs crossed, stroking his chin before saying “ If there's anything you want to do, I suggest you do it now, and if there's any lose ends you need to tie up….” Yes I’ve probably watched too many hospital dramas, but you can never be too prepared.

It wasn’t so much a consultation   but more a gathering, the consultant, another man that sat by his side, he could’ve been tha  ventriloquist working the consultant for all I know, and a nurse….oh, and me of course.

When the consultant mentioned the word Cyst I immediately burst into a Homer Simpson WOO HOO! Before adding “I can just leave it to shrink of its own accord then huh?”  Google is truly a godsend.

Everybody's eyes met, from the ventriloquist bloke to the consultant to the nurse and back again almost Mexican wave stylee before the consultant shook his head “ Not that simple I’m afraid” he said

“D’OH….. why cant it be?” 

So turns out this Giant Orange Space Hopper of a cyst is so huuuuuuuuge, at present its growing across my belly and sits at 10” plus in length…Wow! That’s a whopper.

My google  education kicked in again as I suggested I could just have key hole surgery, drain the cyst and then pull the sack out? But it was met with that same sorry head shake.

Apparently I have a whole bunch of tumours swimming around inside my Giant Orange Space Hopper  like goldfish and they don’t know if it's cancer or not….oh oh! Did he just mention the Big C ?  I can't possibly go anywhere yet, who else is gonna piss everybody off?   the job's mine & mine alone, I certainly wouldn’t have time to train anyone else in the skills I’ve acquired.

Good news is they cant' see any other tumours in my body at the moment and all Big C cells aren’t detected anywhere else in my body, Doc said “that’s not to say they aren’t there but at the moment they aren’t showin up”

“yep quit while you’re ahead Doc, lets just leave it on a positive note huh?”

After discussing all options, there's only one which requires a major op. They’re concerned that the Giant Orange Space Hopper is restricting other organs, its already pushing my bowel up into my chest so they want to get it out A.S.A.P but incase the tumours inside are cancer they have to take it out whole without it bursting which means they are gonna have to cut me right down the middle from top to bottom.  “You’ll have a nice flat stomach again after we get that out” said tha doc.

Which is a miracle seeing as I never had a flat stomach in the first place, and I also felt like adding “yeah but what’s the point of a nice flat tum but  a massive frickin scar down the middle that'll  look like a bum crack ? 

Then he dropped another bomb shell,  they need to give me a full hysterectomy too while they've got me opened up. The reason being, they won't know for 5 days after the op if the tumours are cancer or not, if it is, its more than likely cells will be on my ovaries, and will no longer be contained so they couldn’t open me up again and my only option would be chemo. They cant' drain the cyst because once again if it turns out to be cancer it will no longer be contained and they cant open me up again so only option will be chemo, so the safest thing is to remove the cyst whole and then take out all my lady bits. So that’s it, I have a pre op assessment this Wednesday.

I told them what I’m most scared of is staying in hospital where the ignorance surrounding M.E is still rife. I was admitted about 12-15 yrs ago to Walford Hospital and it was one of the most cruellest awful times of my life, they didn’t get M.E they thought it was an attention seeking thing, they ignored me and left me unfed for 4 days, and when my mum tried to speak to them they tried to convince her I was mental, despite the fact nobody had been near me for anything let alone a psychiatric assessment, when my mum tried to point out that I was one of the most level headed peeps you could meet the sister actually started shouting neurotically and walked off.

There's lots more I could tell you about the stay but it was  truly frightening. The Nurse today knew about M.E  and she told me to tell the support Macmillan nurse I’m being assigned whos gonna ring me . She reckons she’ll make sure that I wont get treated badly and that the staff are made aware of M.E if they’re not already.

So that’s it, that’s where I’m up to, its such a bummer coz  I’m in the middle of recording the E.P "Runnin On Empty"so its gonna delay it, but sh*t happens and I’ll try and get as much done before I have the op. They reckon I could be out of action for awhile especially as I already have scoliosis, M.E, fibromyalgia & Osteoporosis. And I’m just worried coz I know I say I often feel like I’m 93, but once I have a hysterectomy what if I end up lookin like I’m 93 & my skin dries up and I end up looking like an old prune, I’ll have to change my name from Mama Chill To The Rapping Prune..OMG! someone tell me it doesn’t happen? Lol!

Thanx for all ya Luv N Prayers its awesome and gratefully received, I know some of you are in touch with mum as well and thanx for that, its cool for me to know she has some support, coz this is probably even scarier for her being a mum than it is for me, so bless ya for being there for her, right been a tough day so I’m gonna crash, thanx again, luv ya, Keep on keepin'on. Back before Elvis.